Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Tuesday

Evening all

My mood is so different tonight. It is so different that it makes me feel like a bit of fraud. It's like I'm living in a completely different world now, one that was unimaginable only yesterday - even this morning. I know exactly what my problem is. I hope it doesn't come back any time soon, that was a dreadful few days.

Thank you for helping me through, for your comments, your emails or for simply tolerating me using this place to pour my heart out.

The big jug I made yesterday. Tomorrow it will be given a coat of green slip.

I'm off to bed

Goodnight all



Monday, 22 October 2012

Monday

Good evening all

A brief post to let you know that I'm gradually getting back on my feet again, still feeling not quite right, but in a much better place than I was last week. Thank you for all the love and support that you have shared with me.

This morning my day was brightened up by a surprise visit from my old buddy Simon Hancox. We were at college together nearly thirty years ago, it was great to see him and it got the week off to a good start.

I finished off the cider jar, it took pretty much all day.
And got these jugs top coated, finished and drying on the bench.

It's tricky getting the slip on to these pots and I end up with more on myself and the workshop floor than I do on the jug. Much mopping was required afterwards.
Before heading home, I made another big 16lb jug. I thought it might be good to have a green one to go with the others, so I'll start decorating it tomorrow.

Short but sweet
Happy Tuesday everybody






Friday, 19 October 2012

Slip


Thank you all so much for the kind comments, it's reassuring to know I'm not alone, I'm only sorry that so many of you feel like this too.

I still feel pretty rubbish, but it will pass soon I hope.

Anyway, I'm not going to moan on tonight. I want to show you what I've been doing today, then I'm off to bed because I'm exhausted.

After a difficult start to the day, I gradually began to feel a bit better and as the day went on I kept myself busy, finishing off these big pots.

A photographer friend came by. We're working on a project together which I'll tell you more about in due course. I enjoyed her company and we achieved some really good stuff.

I'm afraid you'll have to wait to see her work, the pictures below are my rather less sophisticated snap shots.

I should be feeling more excited about these pots than I am, they've kept me going, I think that they might be some of the best pots I've made.

Tomorrow, I'm decorating a cider jar which is for an order. Once it's finished, I'll need to start making again.

I have some ideas of the things I'd like to make, so I'm going to throw myself in to my work with full vigour and try not lose any momentum.

These pots are for an exhibition in Castlegate House Gallery in Cockermouth, Cumbria, which opens next month.

This one is a 14lb jug
Wet slip, as ever, is the best stage of the process.


The two jugs in the foreground are 16 lb. I tried to make them as fat as I could.

There are a couple of little films here. The first is edited highlights from today, the second is an unedited film of drawing grasses on to the 14 lb jug






Well I must get some sleep.

It was a real surprise to me that so many people read my post yesterday and I'm greatly touched by the things you said, thank you all for kind words of support, I appreciate it very much.

Goodnight

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Kiln half empty

Good morning

It's about time that I updated this ever erratic blog.

I'm having a late start today as I was awake in the early hours, swallowing little pills to fend off a migraine attack and I've only just surfaced.

Life has settled down again into a new kind of normal since Luke went away to college. Thank you all for the comments that you left on my last post, they were really appreciated.

The fact that we hear from him so infrequently, tells us that he's having a great time.

With all the communication systems that the modern world brings, it would be so easy to bombard him with emails and phone calls, but tempting though it is to do that, this is his time.

As the killer line says in this poem that my Mum sent to me when he went, 'love is proved in the letting go'. I miss him though.




I've been fighting a bit with depression recently - not really terrible, I wouldn't be able to write this stuff if it was really bad, but unpleasant enough. It comes to me now and again, making my stomach churn with feelings of crippling anxiety and my confidence hits the floor. My day becomes a series of deep sighs that say everything that it is impossible for words to explain.

I need to get on top of it, the negativity is self perpetuating and I lose motivation and self belief. I can little afford for that at the moment, with deadlines looming. It just compounds the stress.

I've made quite a few pots, but all I can see are the spaces between them on the shelves that are still to be filled. Maybe I'm expecting too much of myself?  It's a tall order trying to make all the things that I want to make, in the time scale that is available. I only seem to be able to work by setting myself ridiculous targets, which means that I always set myself up to fail.

Life experience has taught me that I have to just keep on going and work my way through it to drive these feelings away. Replace the negativity with a positive mental attitude.That has always been my message to friends who have been in the same boat, so really I have to set an example and stick by it myself, difficult though it is. Sometimes it's much easier to give advice than to live by it, but I know it's either that or give up, so I have to keep going.

I know that I'm really fortunate to have this lifestyle and I appreciate that, so what do I have to feel depressed about? I work in a beautiful place and I'm lucky that people seem to like what I make, enough that they want to have it in their lives and that is amazing.

But this isn't about being grateful or ungrateful. Depression in my experience, is an irrational (and self-indulgent) feeling that casts a darkness over everything, however wonderful the circumstances may be.

Other sufferers will understand where I'm coming from and there will probably be those who don't understand, who will just think I should be happy with my lot and stop  moaning. The tough thing is, I know that the latter is true, but that doesn't seem to help.

There doesn't need to be a reason to feel this way, it is, just how it is, and therein is the problem, there is no root cause to treat. It doesn't make any sense.

I write this, not looking for sympathy, or even a response. Sharing it feels like part of the purging process, and writing it down is helping me think my way through it. I won't be defeated and it will pass, I've been here often enough to know. Don't worry Mum when you read this, I'm fine.

Tomorrow I might well be high as a kite, that is just how my brain works, which must be a nightmare for  anybody who is close to me. Thankfully they still love me in spite of it, I suppose it's just what makes me who I am, for good or for bad. I do try and keep a lid on it, I wish I had better control of it all.

Please excuse this stream of gloomy consciousness, I did say that depression is self-indulgent. This post was supposed to have been about the pots that I'm working on at the moment, but it's gone to a different place. Maybe I'll do that one tomorrow.

Marky Mark is coming up this evening and we'll work late. He's a great friend and over the years he has never failed to keep his eye on the long term vision of the workshop, when I so often lose sight of it all. This stuff is so hard to do alone. We'll turn the music up loud and have a good time.

I feel much better for writing all this down, thank you for listening, I hope I haven't made everybody miserable. It's time to put my muddy clothes on now and head to work and concentrate hard at finding the focus, energy and enthusiasm to pull myself out of this hole. I know that it's down to me to do it.

I might regret hitting the 'publish' button and sharing this with the world, but what's a personal blog if it's not about sharing the truth?

Ah well, here goes



Monday, 24 September 2012

Sunday waffle


Marky Mark couldn't make it after all, so I took myself off to work on my own this afternoon. The weather was vile and the air was damp and cold, I really didn't want to be there long, so I didn't bother lighting the burner and just kept busy to stay warm.

I thought a lot about Luke while I was there. It's going to take a while to get used to him being away - Sunday dinner felt very strange tonight with just the three of us at the table.

When we left him yesterday, I had one of those moments that I know will stay with me forever. We said our goodbyes in the communal kitchen of his new home. Just before the door sprung closed, his eyes turned away from us and he smiled his sweet smile as he introduced himself to his new house mates, then, with that, the door clicked shut. It felt like the door had just closed on his childhood, we left him standing on his own feet, an independent young man.

It's been tough seeing him go and I feel sad for us, but so, so happy for him. He's worked hard to get there and this is the start of a really exciting stage of his life - and a new one for us too.

So there we go, I just need to get used to it, which I will of course.

Back to the pots.

The dishes that I made on Friday were ready for turning and decorating today and encouraged by the results of the pressed dishes that came out of the kiln on Friday, I did the best that I could with my squirty style of slip trailing.

I'll probably not make many pots now for a few days as I'm going to have a big tidy up ready for the visit of the Japanese on Saturday. I'm looking forward to a really good sort out.





Here's a little film of dish making and slip trailed chickens.



And today's sloppy slipping

Good night all

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Delivered


We delivered Luke to University yesterday. The car was full up with books and guitars and tins of food, a nervous Luke, a curious younger brother(his time is yet to come) and two sad but proud parents.

How times have changed since I was a student, his room is bigger than his bedroom at home and has an en-suite shower and loo - whatever happened to not washing for three years? It so was wonderful to see him meeting his new house mates for the first time, he's such a sweet young man.

I had a message from him this morning to say that the place is amazing and that his new friends are all 'cool'.

Off to work later with Marky Mark. I had some pressed dishes out of the kiln on Friday that worked well, I'll try and get a little film up later to show you.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

First frost



It was noticeably colder this morning. The sky was blue and clear, but I wore two sweaters as I set out on my walk to work. A farmer’s wife, who was making her journey on foot towards the village, confirmed to me that this morning she had witnessed the first frost of the autumn.

By the time I’d reached the steep hill from Hollywater Bridge, I was regretting my extra layer. I paused to catch my breath and to survey the landscape through the gate at the top of the hill, one of my routine stops. From here there are open fields, to distant hills, with the village church set between them. It’s a terrific place to watch the swallows as they weave and dart just above the ears of barley, catching insects on the wing. Today they were nowhere to be seen and the barley was just stubble. A large group of them were gathering on the telephone wires outside the workshop last week, chattering away, preparing to head off to warmer climes - they’ve gone now until the spring.

A little further up the hill, some of the trees in the top orchard are laden with apples. There appear to be two varieties still on the branch, awaiting the mechanical harvester which will strip them bare. In spite of the wet summer this year, they are ripe, so they will be harvested soon I think. Earlier varieties were taken for cider making a few weeks ago (the small, hard ones with bitter skins). These are eating apples, large and red and juicy – a couple wouldn’t be missed, so I took some to eat later.

Today I will be decorating some small tea bowls that I made earlier in the week. I’m expecting a visit from a group of Japanese pottery tourists in a few days, so these were made with them in mind. Tea bowls are of course held in great regard in Japan and are used in the ancient ritual of the tea ceremony. This is a very different cultural experience from my ‘English tea ceremony’, i.e. a teabag steeped in a mug and then squeezed with a teaspoon before the addition of milk and the unhealthy sugar that helps to keeps my frantic body active throughout a long day.

I can only make the type of pots that I understand, so my interpretations of tea bowls are unashamedly English – simply a variation on the theme of the breakfast bowls I used to make a few years ago, when tableware was the staple production. They are, however, softer thrown on the kickwheel and I am much more aware of the qualities of the rim, which must be inviting to the lips – the same consideration when making mugs. In contrast to mugs, the appearance of the inside of the bowl is much more significant and I try to throw them deftly and with speed, so that the spiral that transmits from the centre captures the dynamic energy of the throwing process. I’m not sure if they’re any good really, time will tell; as bowls go, I really like them, but whether my Japanese guests consider them to be good tea bowls, remains to be seen.

The next day.....

Well the tea bowls are slipped and decorated. I’m a little unsure about some of them – it a matter of proportion – height, to width, to size of foot ring etc. I just haven’t made enough of them in my time to be confident - to have found ‘my own’ shape. I’m writing this from the workshop sofa, with the bowls on the shelf in front of me. Some of them just look wrong, but in making those, my eye becomes attuned to the ones that look right – they’re all worthwhile. I’ll see them through the firing process and the good ones will be offered for sale. The poor ones will go home with me and be used for porridge. Ah porridge! I must get some, it’s fine fuel for this time of year. My snack on the track this morning on my way to work was blackberries and Bombay mix – healthy and not so healthy – the balance of life. I love blackberries from the hedgerow – each one has a different flavour, a sharp one, a sweet one, a soft mellow roundness or an acidic attack on the taste buds – everything is about contrast.

Usually at this time of year I’m collecting wild strawberries – evidence if ever it were needed that bigger is not necessarily better. This year I’ve barely seen any, just the delicate, minute white flowers, awaiting the sunshine that this past summer has failed to deliver.

I met another farmer’s wife on my way here this morning. Anyone would think that it happens all the time round here, another day, another farmer’s wife. We spoke briefly about the artificial insemination of sheep before we went our separate ways. Life is never dull in the countryside.

I feel too tired today to make pots, although I know that I must. I want to get some shallow dishes made for the visit of the Japanese – I’ve left it all a bit last minute. I haven’t had a day off in weeks and the last two weekends were spent dashing around the country. Last weekend I was in Derbyshire selling pots, then I was in London, visiting the galleries with my son Luke the weekend before. He’s away to university in Bath tomorrow, to begin studying towards a degree in Painting. I’m excited for him and a little sad too as he takes this big stride towards independence. He’s a really good artist, I’m so pleased that he’s chosen this route, albeit perilous – not to explore and develop such skills would be such a waste. This world needs creative people.

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Saturday

I went to work yesterday and spent many hours sticking little rolls of clay on to some of the jugs that I made last week, whilst listening to Exeter City's crushing defeat on the radio - I'm glad I didn't go now! 
Quite a few jugs are still tucked away under polythene, awaiting decoration. I'll work a long day tomorrow and try to get as many as I can all finished up. I'd like to throw the next batch of pots on Tuesday -this will be a number of larger, one off pieces, for a forthcoming exhibition with painter Adam Milford.
A five pound fat jug and a tapered seven pound jug.




I'm having the day off today. Perhaps Hil and I will take a trip to the seaside this afternoon if the sun keeps on a'shining.

Happy Sunday everybody, catch you tomorrow.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Friday handlage

Evening all. It's been a day of handle making today, slightly subdued due to the ill effects of last night's cider. I had a lovely birthday, I'm feeling my age tonight though!
Here are jugs in three sizes - the ones on the shelf are made from 5lbs of clay, the round ones beneath, 3lbs and the tapered ones, 7lbs. I'll try and decorate them all differently. Throwing the pots is pretty quick, it's the handling and decorating that takes the time. I think I'll probably work tomorrow, even though it's the weekend. I've a lot to do, with a number of commitments approaching in September, so I need to get these pots decorated and fired as quickly as I can.
The football season starts tomorrow and although I'm not a great sports fan, I do like to follow my local team, Exeter City.  I really enjoy working on a Saturday afternoon, while listening to the match on the radio, so maybe I'll do that - or maybe I'll go and watch it, then feel guilty for not going to work, just like I did yesterday.

Happy weekend everybody

Thursday, 16 August 2012

Home again


Home again after a wonderful holiday in the Lake District. I needed the break so badly, I just hadn't realised how much. Now I feel fully refreshed and ready to get back in to making again in a big way. The Lake District is such a beautiful region - I love the countryside that surrounds my home and workshop in Devon, but it was great to see some different terrain - and to come back to my own again afterwards too of course. While we were away, I dropped off some more pots to the exhibition at the Castlegate House Gallery. The show runs until 8th September and is the first exhibition to be put on by new owners, Steve and Christine Swallow. It comprises of paintings and pots which they feel particularly passionate about, so it's a delight to have my work included, along with Hannah's and Paul Young's pots. I was pleased to be able to take some more pots along, as TNT destroyed a number of key pieces that I'd sent by courier a couple of weeks ago, with their careless handling, grrrrrrrrrrr. You can see all the work if you click on the gallery link above.
The workshop garden has been rather neglected this year but my blousey gladioli are giving me a bit of late summer colour. I seem to have been so busy this year, that I just haven't had the time to keep on top of it.
The apples in the orchard appear to be plentiful again this summer, they've certainly had a good drop of rain to drink in recent weeks. These will be used for making 'Irish' cider
A few more weeks and we'll be in to blackberry season.
'Lords and Ladies'
 I'll not bore you all with my holiday snaps, but if you're interested in seeing where we went to, here's a little film of our adventures in the Lakes. Luke has a job at the moment, so he opted not to come with us on holiday for the first time this year so we took Joe's buddy Albert along, to keep Joe company. It's less than a month now before Luke goes off to Bath and to art college - it seems like a blink of the eye since he was a baby.
.

This is a badly chopped together film I made yesterday of the day's making. I should have been at work today really, but I gained another year today, so had a day off with Hil and the boys instead. We're off to the pub tonight for my birthday celebrations, so I'll be handling pots tomorrow with a cider head no doubt!

Bye for now

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Scrub up


No sooner do I get back in to blogging, than I have to stop again. We're off on our holidays on Monday, so I worked late in to the night on Friday night to get the workshop clean and tidy for when I return. I've got a stack of clay pugged and ready to get started as soon as I get back. The place was so desperately in need of a sort out, when the workshop is clogged up it doesn't function properly and as a result of that, neither does my head. I had a good day yesterday with a photographer friend of mine, Claire Borlaise. Frank came over too and we had some pictures taken for a publication we're putting together. I'm not sure if this will work, but you might be able to see the pictures here Off to set up a little stall in the church near my workshop at Stockleigh English today. They have a cream tea event every year - it isn't really a selling event, but it's a pleasure to be invited there as part of the community. There's one of my jugs in the church that I made a few years ago for the Flower Ladies - you can see it here in the film that Alex made, Hollyford Harvest. Well I don't know what's happened to my blog - I lost all my paragraphs a while back and so just changed my template in an attempt to get them back. Now I've lost all my links and my clustermap. Sometimes technology makes me want to curse. I need a holiday!!! Back in a week or so, take care, bye for now.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Thursday


Yesterday was a day of decorating and tidying up. Last year, on my trip to America with Hannah and Ang, Dan took us to visit Guy Wolff in Connecticut. Guy gave us some slip trailers that he had made. They consisted of a clay reservoir, with a goose quill, through which the slip flows. I've been wanting to have some fun with these for a while - I like the challenge of decorating, with the material slightly out of control. I need to come up with some new ideas really, the design that I messily trailed is a traditional one, used extensively by Michael Cardew. It fits these dishes well, as the moulds were made by the great man himself. My method of applying the design however is rather more haphazard than his. It'll be interesting to see how they come out, they'll either work or they won't. Today will be another day of tidying up. The place is such a state at the moment after all the chasing round the country in recent weeks - it's not been sorted out properly for ages. Joe, my younger son is going to come and stack wood for me this afternoon, which will be a great help. We're going away next week for a family holiday, so I want to have everything organized and in it's proper place, ready for when I get home. While we're away, I'm hoping to spend a few hours in the Castlegate House Gallery in Cockermouth, where I currently have an exhibition alongside Hannah McAndrew and Paul Young. Well I have to walk to work today as the car is in the garage for a service, so I'd better get out on those lanes - I think the sun might be shining - hurrah! Back later, bye for now

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

At long last!!!

Well at long last, this will bring my blog up to date. I'm just waiting for a new camera to arrive in the post as  my bag, including camera, was stolen from the train on the way home from Hatfield. The problem with blogging is that as soon as I get behind, I find it hard to catch up. Here is a whole string of films of what's been going on. Happy Tuesday everybody



























Saturday, 30 June 2012

The firing (a couple of weeks on)


Goodness me, I've managed to get very behind with this blog lately, life's been busy. Here's a bit of a catch up. Alex came down and together we packed the kiln On firing day we were joined by Ella, a potter who had completed an apprenticeship at The Leach Pottery in St Ives. The firing went fairly easily, I think it was about fourteen hours long. On the unpack, I was completely zoned out with a cider fueled migraine. We'd been to Blogger Paul's birthday party the night before and although I didn't drink very much,it was enough to do some serious damage. Blogger Andrew came to the unpack and so Hil, Andrew and Alex took the pots out while I reclined, moaning and blinded on the workshop sofa. Never again - ha! It was a fairly good firing - maybe a little underfired in places, I might fire a cone hotter next time, but it was all new glazes, so as a starting point, I was pleased. I need to formulate a decent dark honey glaze before the next firing to provide the entire range of tones and colours that I'm trying to achieve.

Friday, 15 June 2012

Firing time


It's firing time! Alex came yesterday and today we packed the kiln. There are a lot of pots in it this time, with a new range of glazes, so I'm hoping for the best. Marky Mark is going to light it up early tomorrow morning. I should write more, but I'm tired and it's late again, so forgive me for keeping this brief. Here's what's been happening in the last three days Sleep time, goodnight all

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Good morning


Hello folks. It's been ages since I blogged, life's been pretty hectic and I got behind with it, so here's a whole string of little films to bring things up to date. Alex arrives tomorrow afternoon. We'll pack the kiln on Thursday and fire it on Friday. Before then, I have hundreds of pots to glaze, so today I need to get busy with that. Back soon with words and pictures. Bye for now

Friday, 1 June 2012

Tuesday and Thursday on Friday

Morning folks I haven't posted for a couple of days, so here's a quick catch up before I head off to work.
These are some 16lb jugs I made earlier in the week, each with a scroll handle, the likes of which are often found on the old traditional harvest jugs in this region.
Some little moneyboxes, with love birds, a cockerel and a bird on it's next with its brood.

My regular daily company - I think Mrs Duck must be sitting on eggs, she visits less frequently recently. I made this video on Tuesday.
And this one yesterday. Well this won't do, I'd better get to work, bye for now

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Tuesday


Morning all Here's a little film of the Jubilee jug when it came out of the kiln last week. It's still sitting here beside me and it's destination is as yet unknown. Back in the workshop yesterday, I started off with a few dishes. I'm hoping to have a good throwing day today. I cleared the decks at the weekend and tidied the place up in readiness for one last big making session before the firing. My strength is slowly returning after last week's illness, it really knocked me out .
If you should happen to be in Devon at the weekend, my friend and inspiration, Clive Bowen is having a sale. I'm sure there will be many wonderful things there - I'll be going for sure. Off to work, have a lovely day all

Monday, 28 May 2012

The Diamond Jubilee jug

Good morning and a happy Monday to you all. It's a bright and sunny one here again today - the past few days have been scorching. Yesterday we took a family outing to Bath. Luke achieved the merit that he required to win his place at Bath Spa University, where he's going to study painting, so we took the trip out so that he could check out the city centre - it's a beautiful and vibrant place. I'm very pleased for him. Today is Joe's seventeenth birthday, so we're all going out tonight for curry to celebrate. Here are a couple of photographs of the Diamond Jubilee jug which my friend Jonny took for me last week. I seem to be having some difficulty uploading them, I think because they're large files, but you can see more of them here.

It came out so nicely, better than we could have hoped for. I don't know where it will end up, in private hands or a museum - at the moment, I'm enjoying it at home. He's such an amazing illustrator is my chum Frank. Well I must get to work. Have a good start to the week everybody, bye for now.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Pictures from a poorly potter

Hi folks I've been poorly :( I went to the doc's today and got some pills so hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. It's only a sinus infection, but it's made me dizzy and feverish all week and above all achy and exhausted. Enough moaning about that anyway.
I managed to find the memory card for my stills camera, so I'm pleased to be able to post some stills again. I've missed having photographs on my blog.
These are 3lb jars. The grey will become green and the white, either yellow or honey.
This is the big jug I made a few days ago.
And here's Luke at his private view. Needless to say, I was very proud of him.

Well this is a good value blog tonight to make up for missing yesterday and this morning. Here's a film of what happened yesterday And here's one from today, when I took the Golden Jubilee jug to Jonny the photographer's place in Exeter. I'll be going back to collect it tomorrow, so no pot making, but I need a day or two to get fit again before a big push to make all the large pots next week, that I should have made this week. Sorry if this is a bit of a delirious ramble - it's because I feel a bit delirious :) Off to bed Goodnight all