Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Eeeeeeeek

Thank you everybody for your messages and comments, it's been lovely to read them all and to know that there are people out there that understand and care.Life's a rough road at the moment and the wheels keep falling off one at a time. It's difficult to steer through, but as long as some of the wheels are still turning, I can keep moving forward. The folks who are helping me along this bumpy track have been fixing the wheels back on again and haven't allowed me to run too far off the road and in to the ditch.

In among all the chaos, at long last I seem to be getting my thoughts sorted - it's taken a while. It's so difficult to think straight and behave rationally, with a heart and mind overwhelmed with so much emotional stuff. I didn't expect to wind up in this situation and I'm not greatly experienced or equipped with the skills to deal with it right and I get it wrong time and again. The knowledge of how much my actions are hurting people, with little justification other than selfishly seeking a happy place for my own future, is a hard to deal with. I messed everything up and I carry the responsibility for a lot of  heartbreak. The guilt of it all clouds my thoughts and affects my judgement all the time.

Time heals, as they say and things are starting to have a bit more order, which is what is needed for everybody. I've been having some sweet times with Joey, my younger boy. I gave him a bass guitar and amplifier for Christmas and he's worked hard at learning how to play it. Yesterday evening I picked him up and we had a jam session in the workshop until late. It was really good fun. I'm a dreadful guitar player, bass is my thing too, but it was fun to make a racket. I think we might have driven the rats out at least. I'm pleased he's stuck at it, the ability to make music will bring him many good times and friends in the future and to play together is a special thing for dad and son, particularly at a time like this.


Things are going slowly in the workshop. This is an 8lb jug I've been working on. It's taken ages and I've been panicking that I'm not getting where I want to be quickly enough. Some things just do take a long time and to rush them, would be to mess them up. Sometimes it's a matter of just calming down and allowing the process to dictate the pace if the end result is to be worthwhile. I need to remind myself of that all the time in the big workshop of life.

Yesterday I had a visit from Koichiro Isaka, the owner of Gallery St Ives in Tokyo, the gallery where I have my exhibition this Easter. I suggested that perhaps we might postpone the show until later in the year. We talked about it for a while and he wasn't keen. The outcome is that two months today I'll be on a plane to Japan, all alone. That's quite a terrifying prospect for a man with a messed up head, that only went on a tube train alone for the first time last summer. What a challenge though. I need to get busy, regain some confidence and get myself fit and well again. Oh, I suppose I'd better get out of bed and make some pots then. Happy Wednesday everybody and thank you.

13 comments:

Kimberly Medeiros said...

Chin up,hands in clay!

cookingwithgas said...

Jump.we will catch you.
Baby steps... one foot at a time.

Sandy miller said...

Ha! My first trip to Japan was terrifying as I had never been off the front porch and I had two little kids in tow! Doug, get on the plane! You will never regret it. Make your pots, get them packed and go........ 'tis a magical place, Japan. It will change your life and recharge your battery. I came home and became a better potter and better person for the trip.6

Anna M. Branner said...

I somehow missed your last post. Want you to know that my heart is with you. Keep making! So many of us love you and your work. Japan is the perfect distraction, they are lucky to have you.

And so glad you will now be able to keep some of that mud at bay! Concrete is magic that way. :)

gz said...

keep making- it is too easy to stop at times like these, then the work needed is even harder.
It is good that you have Japan to aim for.

Ron said...

Love what Sandy said. I dream of going to Japan myself someday. I hope you've gotten my FB messages. Okay. Keep at it. Awesome about Joe and the bass playing!!

Mark Hodgkinson said...

Aloha Doug.
Happy to see you back in action.Just keep moving forward and things will work out! Fantastic news about your trip to Japan. If you have some spare time your very welcome to stay with us for a few days here on the Big Island of Hawaii. Should help with the winter blues and it's on your way!
Be kind to yourself and life goes on!

Kings Creek Pottery said...

One day at a time.
You will discover a whole new you through this process, if you remain open to it. So glad to hear that you have friends supporting you.

June Perry said...

Have missed your posts. Glad to see you back
Have a great time in Japan. It's a good place for soul healing. :-)

angela walford said...

Wow April that is so cool! how excitementing, travelling alone is a challenge, there's that big place called the states that have scarey customs officers that eyeball you and stuff...Tokyo bring it on!!! Now get on man and make some luscious pots to take with ya and dont forget copious amounts of bubbley wrap :)) big squish xo

doug Fitch said...

Thank you lovely people x

FetishGhost said...

Doug, I haven't taken time to write much more than a few words to you over the years I've happily content watching from the sideline, but this time I feel pressed to something. I hope very, very much that you find grow through this transition. It's definitely a load to carry, but it can help reprioritize what we perceive as important.
There are others out here that are currently walking a very similar road. Pushing "through it" apparently is the path. Stick to it.
Take care Doug.

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